For the past three or four months, I have felt that when things have gone weirdly, or just not my way (interpersonally or otherwise), it has been easy to say, "oh, but I'm leaving." It has been so bizarre to just live in this nomadic, in-between state, when where I live, where I work is all just temporary. All summer, I've come to dread the standard at-a-bar introductory questions, because I then feel compelled to explain why I'm just an intern and live with my parents. I'm insecure about that, (I guess) so in a sense, I'm hoping that getting to Italy and getting back to class will renew my sense of purpose and forward motion.
The wonderful thing about this summer (especially lately) has been that I have gotten to see so many of my favorite people. I have realized how truly, truly lucky I am to have such amazing friends. I know they will still be my friends when I come back-- but that's just it, they are the very reason I really believe I am eventually coming back. Something big would have to happen to convince me to stay abroad in the long term. Just tonight I drove down by the national mall, in the city I have called home for 22 years. So corny, but I still get chills every time I see the Washington Monument from the 14th Street Bridge. Especially lit up at night. I just can't imagine my life not in D.C.
I see myself at the completion of my Master's program wanting to bring the knowledge and experience I have gained from a year abroad to a position where I can apply it all to U.S. policy. While I value world understanding and learning about European culture, history, and government for its own sake-- I feel it is acceptable to be ultimately concerned with the take-away applicability of the program to my interests and goals, and my country's interests and goals.
I should say, that while I am there and interacting with European instructors, policymakers, and general citizens, it is my intention to be first and foremost concerned with learning and living the European experience. I don't think being self-aware about my end-game or American orientation on some foreign policy issues at all obstructs or offends that. It will be interesting to see how I will be able to strike a balance between understanding, even taking on European perspectives and championing American interests. I can anticipate reflecting on that a lot as the program progresses. I wonder how my worldview will change.
Three days and counting.
